Weird, Weird Varun Shyamak

Before I get on with the story, I would like to thank all the people who read and gave their comments on my previous story "Pursuit of Madness". Some of you preferred to use mail rather than giving your comments here. I would still like you all to leave your reactions on blog, no matter whatever it is. Some of you felt that it was a true story, which it was not. True, some names matched with people but it was coincidental. Even this story may use names that may sound heard. So I would like to confirm that it is a fiction work and please do not draw parallels. So read on and enjoy. And also Wish you a very happy and prosperous Diwali...



There are strange people, then there are stranger people and then there are people like Varun Shyamak. I met Varun when I was staying in a men’s hostel in Bangalore some one year back and we were friends for some six months. A Chemical Engineer from Mysore, he was as weird as weird could get. All his activities ranged from funny to strange to bizarre to hilarious to irritating. He would repeatedly talk to himself, laugh all of a sudden and most of the time appeared to be in a different world. His mood swings were mysterious, as one moment he will sound jolly, sober and intellectual only to become depressed and idiotic in the next. One day he will go and spend a lot of money on inconsequential things and the next day he will turn a miser and not even spend a penny. He was psychotic about cleanliness of room and will often land into verbal duels with roommates over it. At times he would wake up at 1 A.M in the night and start reading newspaper intently much to the chagrin of his roommates. At times he will switch on T.V in late night to try his luck on some channels. Some of the roommates still swear that they had caught him doing it in late night. One night he had also woken up shouting in middle of night for some reason which still remains a mystery. In short, he seemed to be a nature’s prodigy, but still for some reason he was a good friend to have for he seemed to be of a clean conscience.
But things reached an extreme when we planned a two day vacation. While we were planning where to go, Varun said to me, “Hey Jeet, how about Jog falls? It’s a nice place and I have been there before.” He preferred to call me Jeet rather than Abhijeet which was my name or Abhi which others preferred. Saurav and Rachit, who were his neighbors, appreciated the idea. Ramesh who happened to be our organizer for each such outing took it upon himself to make sure that more people join us, which he believed would be a memorable one. When Ramesh is out to convince people, you bet he will be successful, and this time was no exception. He made sure that his friend and colleague, Harpreet Singh, a well buit Jat from Haryana with a great sense of humour and jolly mood, joined us. Along with them, Vikash Kishore, the senior most among us, also agreed to come. He was the only married person in the hostel and was here for a short term before he shifted his family to Bangalore. Vikash Sir, as we affectionately called him, had a very subtle sense of humor. In my words, he could peel the skin of other without him noticing it. Ramesh, meanwhile arranged a Qualis for the trip and also got the list of places that must be visited along with the order in which they would be most economical. This was his specialty, the awesome knack of getting things done. The trip was to start at Friday night and we planned to be back by Sunday night. “This is going to be great. We will remember it all our life”, Varun had said. He was serious.

The car arrived sharp at 10 P.M on Friday and with it started Varun’s mellow drama. While everyone got seated in the car in 5 minutes, Varun was nowhere to be heard of or seen. Ramesh tried his cell fanatically just to get no response. I and Rachit went to his room only to find him sitting and watching TV, with a shoe cleaner in his hand, as if he had forgotten how to clean his shoes and was waiting for some divine intervention. I wanted to shout but held myself back as it is never a good idea to start a holiday on a negative note.
“Come down Varun, everyone is waiting”, Rachit begged.
Varun looked up as if he had been woken up right in the mid of a dream. “Yar, give me two minutes. I need to clean my shoe” he said.
“You should have done it earlier”, I couldn’t hide my irritation.
“Yes, but it would have got dirty by now. I always clean my shoes just before wearing” he said. It was very difficult to argue his logistics for he added some subtle reason for all his weird activities.
“Ok. Hurry up! We will wait in car. Come down fast.” I said.
“Ya! I will be down in two minutes”, he said.
We went down and sat in car. Ramesh was getting frustrated each passing moment. Finally after five minutes, he shouted, “Whose idea was it to bring this jerk with us?” I pointed to Saurav, who was sitting very innocently in the back seat. “Fuck you! This guy will create trouble everywhere. He will play spoilsport at all occasions. We will want to do something and he will be counting pennies or will be giving his ideologies.”Ramesh prophesied. Ramesh didn’t like Varun and he had his reasons. Some time back Varun had invited four of us, comprising me, Ramesh, Rachit and my ex-roommate Sushant to his treat as he had got a job. Though the hotel was very small, in fact it was more of a roadside eateries, we still agreed and after dinner the expenses came to just around 300 bucks. But what happened after that was simply incredible. Varun refused to pay the whole amount. He paid 100 Rupees and said, “I put in 100, now all of you put in at least 50 each. 100 Rupees is enough for the party.” As expected it had infuriated us and the relation had got strained. Sushant never talked to Varun again after that. Ramesh was always bent on pulling his legs with vengeance rather than anything else. I and Rachit however tried to remain same despite that, but still even we couldn’t forget that.

After waiting another fifteen minutes, Saurav decided to go and look for him again. I accompanied him to Varun’s room, where we saw him frantically searching for something. Saurav asked him what had happened. “I can’t find my magazines. I kept them somewhere yesterday. I’ll just find it and come.” He explained rather calmly.

“Are yar! Everyone is waiting for you. Leave the magazine. Come now” Saurav protested, probably feeling guilty to include him in the plan.

“Just two minutes yar. There is no need to hurry. We will reach in 5 hours drive. I will just find the magazine and come”

“Leave it yar. Buy some magazine on the way.” I was beginning to get frustrated.

“No that magazine is expensive one and is not available everywhere. Just give me two minutes. You sit in the car, I will be there soon.”

“Ok come soon or we leave without you” I could stand it no further.

“Why are you behaving like that? I am just asking for two minutes” he said too calmly for comfort.
Saurav left and asked me to join him, which I did, thereby diffusing a potential bomb. “He is a freak and sure he is needed on the trip for more fun.” Saurav was trying to cheer me up.

On seeing me and Saurav return without Varun, Ramesh lost it. He said “Let’s go! Leave the weirdo. It’s more than half an hour. He is not a VIP.”

“He is searching some magazine and says he will reach in 5 minutes” Saurav said rather apologetically.

“Cool down Ramesh. You know those types of magazines are his medicines. He can live without food, not without them.” Harpreet said, in his typical casual humorous style.

“Correctly said Daljeet!” Vikash Sir said. For some reason, he could not remember Harpreet’s name and each time he called him with different name ranging from Preet to Paramjeet to Manjeet. I was sure that this wasn’t accidental and Vikash sir had very innocently found a way to rag Harpreet.

“Come on! My name is Harpreet. Har—pree—t. Please sir.” He said holding his head.

“Oh, I am so sorry, Parmeet” said Vikash and this had everybody including Ramesh burst out laughing, while Rachit started rolling.

“Are yar! Let’s start without him. Fuck Varun” I said as the laughter died down. The driver too was getting impatient for I could see him playing with the key.

“Right. It’s 10:45. We have waited for him more than 30 minutes now. Whoever wants to wait for him can get out and wait. We will leave now.” Ramesh said.

“Let’s wait five more minutes Ramesh now that we have waited so long. And you do remember how much fun we had when we went to Koorg and he was there” Vikash sir was trying desperately to cool him down.

All of us had gone to Koorg some time back where Varun’s weird acts had made it a memorable one. Most of the time we had kept pulling his leg and some great banter were exchanged. Above all it was Varun’s comedy of errors that had really given some hilarious moments. While all of us marveled the natural beauty from the car, Varun spent it sleeping on mine or Harpreet’s soldier. Even when we got down at some places his attention was more on skinny beauty rather than Scenic beauty, a memorable one being one at Raja Seat. While all of us where engrossed in watching breathtaking scenery, Varun spotted a beautiful girl, rather a beautiful woman, who walked to other side of the hill. Varun said to us “Let’s go and see the scenery from there” as if we didn’t know what scenery he wanted to see. We disagreed but Varun, slowly followed her path, while trying to show as if he wasn’t. He put one finger in nose and slowly and nonchalantly continued in her direction very innocently, still believing that no one knows what he is up to. His fore finger was in his nose and he was seeing the lady from corner of eye and somehow still believing that no one can understand what he is doing. Vikash Sir looked on and joked, “His fingers are either in his nose or his underwear”. As he disappeared, we kept an eye on him using our binoculars. We spotted him standing on the edge of a cliff some 20 meters from the lady, and trying desperately to strike a cool pose. He had put his hands in the pocket and was looking straight at the horizon with the eye of an aesthete. The lady, however, seemed to give him no attention. Finally after trying for around 10 minutes, he gave up and came back to our place and said intellectually, “Are yar! We have come for a tour. Don’t sit at one place. You should go and check out all places. View is also very beautiful from there. You people should have come.” Rachit could not help his laughter and he burst out following which everyone had burst out. “We also saw the view Varun” Saurav had said. Similar instances occurred at a lot of places after that when he disappeared for feeding fishes, taking picture, reading inscriptions or spotting better view but none of the girl had given him any attention. “Probably the sooner he realizes that he is not as cool as he thinks, it would be better for him” Rachit had said. He was damn right.


“Five minutes it is. I am not waiting a second longer” Ramesh warned.

“Right. Even I can’t take it any longer” I said.

To everyone’s relief we saw Varun coming with a copy of National Geographic journal in his hand.
“Why the hell do you need that in journey?” asked Harpreet.

“It’s really good yar. It has very deep insights.” Replied Varun.

“Strange, but not surprising” I whispered to Rachit. “He is a snob” Rachit whispered back, “I bet he won’t read more than a page but he wants to show he is intellectual. Don’t you remember Koorg trip?”he added. “I do remember that” I said and we smiled.

Varun had carried two copies of discovery channel’s journal in Koorg trip. He would take it out in the car, each time we sat down. Will open a page but never complete it. Then when we had to get down, he will keep everyone waiting, while he struggled to keep it back in his bag, which had been kept behind the seat. In fact this habit of his had almost resulted in him losing his buttocks. It happened so, that at one place we had to get down at a temple. The temple being on other side of road, the driver stopped on main road and asked us to get down fast, following which he will take a U turn and park it. Everyone got down quickly, but as expected Varun was still struggling with his journal and bag and was also blocking Rachit. After waiting for some time the driver had to move on and Vikash Sir banged the door on him and what we saw was Varun’s ass was hanging outside the window of the car as the car moved on and found the parking. Everyone had turned furious at Varun’s act, but Vikash sir once again calmed it up by a well timed joke saying “People clean it, yours almost got cleaned up”.


“Sit down. We would have left in another five minutes” said Ramesh as he sat in the front seat. I too took my seat and left the door open for Varun. We were eager that finally it would start. But to our horror Varun was still standing at the door, holding it with one hand, and looking in some other direction smiling at some strange object which only he could see. “Abe sit, you asshole!” I shouted. He again looked back calmly, again turned his gaze in the same direction and after some 30 seconds replied, “Did we get some snacks to eat in the way?”

“You sit first! We will get something on the way” Saurav was pleading now.

He slowly kept his bag at the back, then again stood there waiting some time and then much to everyone’s frustration, said “I have some packets of potato chips and biscuits. I’ll just go and get them”.

“Leave it Varun. We will buy it” even Vikash sir protested.

“Why do you want to waste money, when I already have it?” Varun reasoned.

Anger was slowly turning into exasperation. “Varun dear, please sit down. You have already taken an hour. It’s 11, let us leave” Ramesh begged. When he starts pleading, one thing for sure is that he has no option left.

“Are yar, just two minutes? What is the big deal? I’ll get it.” And he rushed inside, leaving all of us furious.

“We will make sure that he has his worst journey of life. What say Abhi?” said Ramesh.

“Absolutely. If Koorg was trailer this would be the climax.” I said.

“Listen Vikash. I am still telling we should leave without him” Ramesh suggested.

“Let him get the chips no. It would be only a minute” Harpreet said.

“You bet. Only thing predictable about him is his unpredictability. I doubt he will be back in a minute.” I prophesied.

“Yes, right. Even I doubt that.” Rachit said.

We waited and waited and waited. After another 15 minutes Harpreet said, “Somebody go and check. I hope he is not cooking the chips”.

Saurav was about to get up, when Ramesh said, “You sit. I’ll go and see. Abhi you come.” He sounded determined.

Ramesh looked serious and I was sure that this was going to be dirty. He did not say a single word to me on the way. As expected, Varun was not looking for eatables. He had got a steam iron in his hand, had opened his previous T-shirt, and another T-shirt was on the bed, and he was looking out of window with the forefinger of other hand in his nose.

“Pray what are you up to?” Ramesh asked.

Varun blinked, waited some 10 seconds, looked out again and said, “I spilled something on that shirt, I just noticed that. Give me two minutes”.

“You stay there and you press your shirt, eat your chips and munch your biscuits. For we leave now.” I declared.

“What do you mean by that? I have also paid for the car” he said as he kept the iron on the stand and came two steps forward.

Ramesh instantly took out a five hundred note and thundered “Have it. Here is your money. You take it, fuck it and sleep with it.”

I took out a one rupee coin and place it with the five hundred note and said “And here is your tip for finally relieving us”

“This is insulting yar. I am getting angry now. What do you people mean? I am really getting angry now” he said.

“Ok, you are getting angry; I know how to cool you down” Ramesh said as he picked up a glass of water kept on table nearby and threw all the water on Varun’s face.

Varun charged towards Ramesh to retaliate, but I halted him and I landed a tight slap on his left cheek with my sinister hand which left my palm warm for some time. Ramesh did the same thing on his right cheek with his right hand. Varun was stunned and aghast. Tears filled in his eyes.

“What the hell do you think, you are some VIP that we will keep waiting for you the whole night?” said Ramesh as he landed another slap.

“And on top you say, you are getting angry. What the fuck will you do by getting angry?” I said and picked up his magazine and threw it away.

“Now sit here silently. And if Vikash and Rachit call don’t dare you pickup” Ramesh ordered.

We went back to the car and announced, “Varun has refused to come. He says he is not feeling well”

“Shit! Why the hell did he made us wait so long?” someone said.

“Fuck him! Let’s enjoy our vacation. At the end of the day what that guy needed was attention and he got it. Forget what happened.” I said as we sat down and the car started.

“Ya fine. But I still wish he had come. The trip would have been a lot of fun with him” Saurav said.

Ramesh looked back at me and winked. One thing we were certain of was that Varun will never tell anyone about what happened in the closed room for it would not go with his image.

“Even I wish that he had come. It sure would have been fun”, I said and winked back at Ramesh and lay back on my seat with my hands behind my head and closed my eyes. For us, we have had our fun, the fun of teaching him a lesson and with it a sweet revenge.